Sumin’s Blog

lit was almost 2 year back since my last emotional, thoughtful post, after the title "rainbow" which i deleted. Yesterday night i cant sleep well, and has sudden inspiration to write a post. Surprizingly i didnt dream yesterday night but i didnt get to rest much as well. Usually i would have a great sleep without dream. If dream comes to my mind at night, i will have my whole night fighting and imagining in my dream, it all depends.

Sometimes i would have nightmare that i force myself to wake up. Follows by a great relief and i would say ," thank God it was just a dream". When i have a good dream, i would always hope that i could sleep a little longer, but somehow sweet dream tends to be short and brief as comparing to my nightmare. Nightmares that i had were filled with details, every single expression and the eerie feeling, sometimes the sorrow is so strong. Death, escape, wild weird dreams. On the other hand, sweet dreams are often brief. Before i could really catch it,I already woke up. What a waste..

Dreams are powerful tools. Sometimes the dream u had will happen in the future. It may be just friends’ conversation or some big major incident, varies to different people. I would compare life as dream, or rather i think life is dream - So interesting, unpredictable, wild sometimes. Certain incident happens so fast that u cant catch up with the pace and when it is over, u just feel like u had a dream. U might be glad that the "dream" is over so fast, sometimes u wish if it could last a little longer.

Well, no matter what kind of dream it is, horrible or heart touching or whatever, we will have to wake up one day to face the reality of life.To me, if it is a good one, although it was just as brief as a sweet dream, at least i will have the memory in my life, at least it was present in certain chapter of my book of life.

*for the life u choose, u pay the price*                                            *life is a fragile flower, admires its beauty while it last*                   * life is like playing cards. U cant choose the cards u want, but u can play the best out of it. P

Quoted by Geowin

These are sentences that i would use to comfort myself whenever i wake up from a "dream" in life.

Painful, extremely painful and i mean it LITERALLY..Please imagine these : only porridges and liquids for months ; suffering from intense pain that is beyond description for at least a month, perhaps longer; need to fork out quite some money from your pocket ; the presence of extra piece leads to awkward feeling till u get used to it; it blinks everytime you smile or talks that i am going to take over the nick name "blink blink" soon; no more chocolate or cakes for a year as it will stuck in between and it is disgusting, believe me; perhaps one of the worst, that is spitting out saliva everytime you talk to your friends  and it is beyond control. Arent all these make your life miserable, but i will be going through all these soon enough…I am going to put on braces..

I never got to realise that my crooked teeth affects my image to people til recently. During high school, my frens such as aik brother commented that i look "cute" with my teeth. Maybe that time they meant it by "ugly..but but but..adorable" but i didnt get the inner meaning. Oh well, but now i finally have the guts to just fix them..Maybe i am getting vain, many new friends commented on my teeth and some nag or i should it as "advice" me to put on braces. And now here i am, consulted doctor and will start on the process next week..

Nevertheless, i made up my mind and iwll go on with it.

After all, what is beauty without pain..

I think most of my friends had enjoyed very much on their first day of university. But I dont really enjoy mine, because something "interesting" happened in that early morning. I wasnt familiar with Klang, but i have to drive to my University alone. Well, one day before, I did try driving to there with the accompany of both my parents to put my laggage in the hostel and come back home. HAHA..but I took a longer way. So my mom told me, on the first day, use the short cut instead, it will save more petrols and time. Okay, fine, I did as she said and this cause the "interesting" incident to occur.

Early in that morning, I was really really excited, after such a long break, at last , I am back to school life. So i was happily woke up very early in the morning, preparing to face the new journey in my life. The orientation was suppose to start on 9am according to schedule, so i planned to reach there by 8 morning to tidy up my hostel room. Everything was fine, and i went out from my house at 7.30.

However, until the junction where I need to decide to take the long road or short cuts that I am not familiar with. Yeah, and i took the short cut. I drove and drove, following the "klang" sign..And i ended up at somewhere of Klang, I think it is Port Klang…
I know I was lost, middle of Klang somewhere, well, I dont know.
Then I was thinking to better u turn to go back track instead of continue going. I made a u Turn and to my surprise, the U turn road doesnt go back to the original place where I came from. Instead it links to some other place. And I ended up in some small town, some run down building around me.
I was all alone, in the car, panic, praying hard that everything will be fine..

I tired to stop some motorcyclist to ask for direction, but failed. I asked some ladies along road side, they too, didnt know where is my Uni located. When I asked them, "where is this place".
They just replied " Tepi Sungai"
SWT right??? Fine, I go along the road, the one way road. Then I saw a taxi stopped beside the bus stop, QUickly i stop beside it and ask the driver to bring me to Klang PARADE ( my UNi located there) and I promised him I will pay.Then We had some bargain on price.
After  that, I followed his taxi to my place.

Yeah, That is the "interesting" happened to me on the very first day of my uni.  ISN’t it memorable?? *swt*..hope my direction nerve in my brain will develop well and fast enough to reduce all this " lost and found" cases in my life…

I am feeling bored today till i couldnt stand it anymore. With my music switched, i know i got to dance a little in my own room, where no one around, and I alone, expressing myself along with the flow of the music. The ‘funny’ song sang by Leon played and i thought of u guys : wei wen, ean, aik sern, aik oui, sharon ( duh!!!), and winnie. I keep dancing but my cant stop smiling. LIstening to the song, the memory recalls. I guess you guys should know what song i am talking about. Still remember, when we were organizing the installation day for our seniors, this song, performed by Wei wen and Clement, gave us all the laughters. Even when we are crossing the road, Wei wen could actually ‘perform’ that in the middle of the road. It was crazy, a little childlish but indeed fun. This leads to the memory of my form 4 and form 5 life.

To be able to know you guys is the luckiest thing i ever met. To be your one of the best friends, is the best present i ever get from God. To be see our friendship lasts till now after graduates, is the happiest thing i feel. Really..I used to think that I couldnt have a real good fren for more than 3 years, looking back from my history. Somehow, my old friends all will be drifted apart, lose contact, or so on. But, you guys are really special. So fast, we have known each other and be VERY close to each other for years. 7 years with Ean, Sharon, Wai Leng. And 5 years with the ‘eggs brothers’, Yan Min, Wei Wen and Winnie.

Looking back the past, i can conclude that form 4 and form 5 are definitely my best time in my life so far. Those days in secondary school, simple and straight forward. I really miss those days where we slept together in one room, with all the foods around…waking the eggs brothers up with our best effort.. Get punished together, we laughter together, sang in PBSM room, sweated together..everything..too many things for me to jote down everything here..

Wei Wen, although sometimes I think that you are childlish, a little annoying at certain time, you gave us all the laughter. This has been proven during AIk’s party. That time u werent here, and we felt something missing..the one who will make all of us shout :" Wei Wen, stop it!!"

Ean, you are one of the weirdest people that i have ever met. But you are definitely a funny, sweet and caring guy. I dont think your face look scary, hahaha..although we still dont understand why those juniors are so afraid of you. Well, thanks for all your magic tricks..even if you refuse to reveal the secret ..*grunt*

Sharon, Oh, my lesbian partner..or rather my ex lesbian partner…hahahaha..whatever la..you are a very interesting girl, who can non stop talking for hours even if you leave her alone. I miss those day ‘bitching’ with you on phone and in your house. REally miss those days.

Winnie, the dancing queen and our great singer. I always remember you as our battery-free radio..You sing really great! and i hope you will still be close with all of us after years.

Aik sern n oui, sigh..i am so bored of seeing you guys, especially sern. Since form 4, i had been seeing you guys from monday till saturday, same tuition some more…*faint* Well, honestly speaking, you guys really flirt a lot. Anyway, you guya are no doubt sweet caring brothers who always take care of this mother looking sister. Well, i know i always sound like ur mom, well, cant help it. You gys need some nagging.

Yan Min, you are the sweetest girl i have ever met. SO small and sweet.HAhahaha..no one could ever replace your cute cute voice. You have a very good heart andi know God will always bless you.

Leng Leng ar… hehehe..although we were apart during form 3..but i am very glad that our friendship continues after that..I hope we will continue writing letters to each other.

All my dear dear dear friend, thanks for giving me such memorable time. i truely enjoyed those day working with you all. We are very united i am proud to say. But now, we are all going to be apart…most of you guys are going to study in oversea..

Although we are gonna be in different places, I believe we always have each other in mind. Those memories remain engraved in our mind. We are still doing the same thing together - we are all fighting for our dreams.

I wish our friendship will last for eternity. YOu guys are really special to me…I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Today i had my worst experience that i been through so far until i felt like crying. =P..Today the rain was really heavy. As usual i was suppose to take my college bus, walk under turnel to go home. The bus usually comes at 5.30 pm. Surprizingly the bus didnt turn out which is a very rare case. So, i waited till aroung 5.40 and still the bus isnt here. I was really tired, sweaty and sticky as i just finished playing basketball with friends. I wished to go home as soon as possible. I got real impatient and decided to take a cab.

It was really jam at KBU area, due to the heavy rain. Another rare case, no cab, which is really weird. Usually i can get a cab easily from the bus stop near Centre Point. Well, i waited and waited, no taxi and there were many people ahead of me waiting too. Suddenly, i saw this bus. 99 bus…This is the bus that i usually see it passby my housing area. I went up the bus and ask can this bus go to Damansara. The bus driver told me "KOta Damansara". But i saw the board written there "One U". In my thought, i planned perhaps can try my luck and if worst just end up at ONe U, easy to get cab too..But..i was wrong, totally.

That was the last bus, so it will only head to KL. I get very panic and go down the bus at SS6, Kota Damansara according to what a lady told me. Once get down, i try to take a cab, again, there is no cab passby. I called PUBLIC CAB service, no cab available. With only RM 5 in my wallet and RM4 credit in my hp, i start to get really panic. There, i stand alone, not knowing where is that place, wait and wait. I tried so hard to think what should i do. I felt so so panic. Felt like crying though. Then i thought of Ean, one of my friend who i remember staying in Kota Damansara and he has a car. I called him and he told me that he actually stays in Sri DAMANSARA instead, knowing my situation and being the one who i knows for 6 years, he was willing to come all the way to RESCUE me.

I saw a MCD nearby and faster walk to there. I wait for his arrival while my heart pumping very fast. I still felt insecure. The day starts to get really dark. My parents kept calling me too. They were very panic at my situation too as there were no one in my family who can fetch me.The traffic was really jam and my friend took almost 1 hour to fetch me. There i was, In ss6, feeling panic, scared and tired, waiting for someone to fetch me home.In the end, God bless that i finally reached home at 8.30pm. That was really a bad experience. And i hope i will never try it ever again.

Today is 15th Oct 2006, i just came back from the 30 hours famine programme organised by World Vision. I have learnt so much that i wish to share with all of you here.

This 30 hours famine definitely is not the first charity event that i participated. However, this programme really touched the very bottom of my heart. Like most people, I was very proud of myself because i did charity to contribute to the society ever since young. Not until today, I realise how little i have done actually. I believe most of us have been to an orphanage home or rumah cacat as a voluntee or to do some donation. But, do you really know how they feel?? I have came across to the newspaper so many times on the children issues such as child labour, arm forced child, sexual exploitation, street children,HIV/ AIDS so on and so forth. Even so, I might only feel very sorry for them for that moment and later on I will just forget. I aint sure about you.

How often we tell people or we hear from people not to discriminate HIV positive patient? I bet it must have been many times too. In the first day, i attended a sharing session on the topic of HIV/ AIDS. There is this malay lady and a son were sitting on the floor. At first i thought the lady is one of the voluntee who helps out a lot in this sort of charity organisation and she is here to tell us her experience of taking care of HIV positives. To my surprise, she is actually a HIV positive, same goes to her son. Indeed, she is an activist herself. She shared with us her own real experience of being a HIV positive. Before that,some nurses in hospital discriminate her. I mean, nurses, those who are suppose to be educated. Those that know exactly how AIDS can be transmitted. Yet, they are discriminating her. If the educated one react in such a way, how about those who are ignorant bout AIDS?? How would they treat these HIV positives?? Imagine now…And her 6 year-old son, cant get into a tadika because of his disease. She went to goverment school and beg for help, she thought they would help her. But they didnt, like the others, they do not accept her son. Then, she went to the parlimen and finally her son is the first one to be accepted in a normal tadika. Although she declares herself as a ‘orang kampung", I think she is much stronger than anyone of us. She said one sentence that really impressed me." You all always think that we, the HIV positives are threats that would endanger you all, but in fact, you are real threat to us." What she means here is that if we are having diseases or just even small flu, they will also get the disease easily and this might leads them to death. TRUE enough?? Yes, I toltally agree but i had never thought of that. I can’t stand feeling so sorry yet proud of her that, i went up to her and give her a hard hug…( You wont get AIDS by hugging by the way). Well, my dear friends, she is only one of the example. And she is one of the lucky one. Can you imagine how many other HIV positives out there are being discriminated. This is the first time i actually keep in contact with a HIV positive, and the impression that she gave me is she is no difference from us, and indeed deserves the right to be treated NORMALLY.

Besides, i watched this movie " The turtle can fly" during the night. I feel so angry about myself after watching it. WHy?? The movie is about these refugee children. They, maybe as young as 10 perhaps, are forced to make money for survival. They collect mines and most children showned in the movie are handicapped, either lose theor limp, their arms or eyes. But, despite all these disability, they still have to work as this is their only way out. The girl character in the movie ( very young) was raped when the American soldiers come over to attack their country. She tried her best to run away, shouted, struggled, kicked, fighted but she was too weak. AT first was only 1 American soldier chasing after her, but later on more and more come by, i think got more than 5 and they gang raped her. Can you imagine that? Her tragic doesn’t only end like that. She was pregnant and gave birth to a child. In the end, she couldnt bare with the child and she drowned him before she commit suicide. As a girl, i really feel it. I can feel my hatred towards all these are raising up. Hello, she is  only a little girl, how would these BASTARDS thought of sex when looking at her? You might say it is a fiction film. But, it is not. Maybe certain part of the film might be fiction, how these children leave in trauma and fear is true. We all know that, dont we??

From there i too learn a new term. instead of calling ppl as ‘handicapped’ or ‘ disabled", we should call them as " differently-abled".I hope that you all too will use this phrase instead of the previous two. So these programme continues to explore us to how children was used as sex slave, as prostitute, child labour and street children. One of the speaker shared his experience with us. He went to this South East Asia country and one day, after he had his dinner, this boy ( around 9 or 10 year-old) approached to him and say " Mr, Mr, Do you want woman? Very young, 9 year-old". Can you believe this?

The reason why i blog my experience of participating this famine programme is to encourage you all to join this event next year. The figures on these issues are over-whelming, it involves millions and millions of children per year. Now, think of the kids around you, maybe your nephew, niece, brother or sister. How are they? they smile, they are blessed, they have you to protect them. How about these unfortunate kids? They are totally the opposite. I am ashame of myself. No jokes.I wouldnt be able to tell you all the full detail on how serious has this issue been. I hope that you all would join this programme next year and experience yourself. It is a nice and wonderful experience. Or if you dont have time, you can always consider to sponsor a child. Only Rm 50 per month if i am not mistaken. I am not quite sure.

However, i hope that my this blog has bring you to be more concern on these unfortunate children. If you guys want more information always go to the WORLD VISION website. www.worldvision.com.my

LASTLY, " OUr vision for every child, life in all its fullness; Our prayer for every heart, the will to make it so."